One night, Matt reminded me to be careful how touch these boys. I wasn’t thinking anything of holding them and letting them sit in my lap. These boys have been mistreated sexually, and most or possibly all of them have at least seen sexual activity firsthand. I want these kids to learn to respect girls and women, and I want to teach the girls to demand respect from boys and men.
Sometimes, I get so angry at the people who stole the sexual innocence from these kids. They don’t know how to experience pure, non-sexual touch that shows love. Pamela reminded me as she prayed on Sunday night to have a forgiving heart. She, who was used by her mother as a child prostitute and was unable to come home until she had a certain amount of money, prayed that God would take good care of her mother. She reminded me to forgive the people who are hardest to forgive.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Summer School: Lessons I will never forget
This summer has brought about a new learning experience almost every day. I have grown and been stretched and challenged in many new ways. While many of my daily activities I have are routine, the conversations and little special moments have been priceless. While working here at this children’s home, God has used each child to teach me something different. I have learned about forgiveness, grace, and patience. I have also been taught through situations here that when things go wrong, it is not always my fault. Lastly, God has taught me that each of his children needs to be loved differently.
God used Pamela this summer to teach me a lot about forgiveness. Pamela turned 10 this summer. Before she came to this family, her mother forced her to walk the streets as a child prostitute. She was not allowed back into her house until she made 500 Lempiras, which is on average about 5 days wages here in Honduras. She has been with more men than most people have sex in their lifetime. She has been hurt a lot in her life by men and by her mother who forced her to do this horrible thing. I said all of that to explain how what she did taught me so much about forgiveness. Once night before bed as we were praying, she prayed that God would take care of her mom and show her love. This broke my heart because she prayed so sincerely for the person who caused her so much pain. I have been praying since than that I can have as a forgiving heart as sweet Pamela. What a powerful lesson God taught me through a ten year old child.
God used Luvin to teach me about grace. Luby came here near the end of May. He had been beaten his entire life, so when eh got here all he knew was to hit the other children, and he did not hit softly. He had to be taken back to the state-run orphanage because the other fifteen kids were terrified of him. Two or three weeks later, he found his way back her to Casa de Esperanza with a repentant heart and fruit for all of the children. The children, instead of rejecting Luby, invited him to come back and be a part of their family. He did not deserve their love, nor did he deserve their warm embrace and welcome back, but the kids gave it to him anyway. This taught me a lot about God because I so often do things that are against what he commands or against his will, but he always shows grace to me, forgives me, invites me into his family, and welcomes me with open arms.
God has used Cindy time and time again to teach me about the importance of patience, and time and time again, I have learned that I need more of it. Cindy has been raped and sexually abused a lot in her life. She is only four. Every time she feels slightly out of control, she throws the worst fits of anyone I have ever seen. She hits kicks, bites, screams and scratches. Bedtime and naptime are even worse than during the rest of the day. We are not allowed to spank here and the government could close us down, so we are always looking for new ways to punish her and we have yet to find a punishment that works for her. I have learned to be patient even through the hitting. I have also learned to love her though and some things I can say to her to calm her down. The place she lived at before she came here said she was the spawn of Satan. I do not believe that she is the spawn of Satan, but she indeed has tried my patience and God has used her to help me daily gain more patience.
God used Fito, Luby, Brayan, and Rudy to teach me that when things go wrong, it is not always my fault. These four decided to run away on two different occasions. Both times, I felt so much guilt and thought it was my fault. Through prayer and the gentle reminder of my husband, I learned that I was crazy to but that much blame on myself. I learned through each of these situations that I must accept the blame when it is truly my fault but not put an extra burden on myself when I could not have helped the situation.
Finally, God has used each of these children to teach me that each person gives and receives love in a different way. Some of the kids love to be hugged and held. Others feel especially loved when someone plays outside with them. Some feel loved when they are told that they are special. This summer, I have worked at learning how to show each of these kids that they are special and that they are loved. This has also showed me the glory of God because he is able to know how each person in the world needs to be loved, and he shows us all that special love.
This summer has been a blessing. I feel that God has used these sixteen precious angel eyes to teach me far more than I could have ever taught them. They have each been through some traumatic situation far more than I can even imagine, yet God has used each of them to instill in to me some very important lesson.
God used Pamela this summer to teach me a lot about forgiveness. Pamela turned 10 this summer. Before she came to this family, her mother forced her to walk the streets as a child prostitute. She was not allowed back into her house until she made 500 Lempiras, which is on average about 5 days wages here in Honduras. She has been with more men than most people have sex in their lifetime. She has been hurt a lot in her life by men and by her mother who forced her to do this horrible thing. I said all of that to explain how what she did taught me so much about forgiveness. Once night before bed as we were praying, she prayed that God would take care of her mom and show her love. This broke my heart because she prayed so sincerely for the person who caused her so much pain. I have been praying since than that I can have as a forgiving heart as sweet Pamela. What a powerful lesson God taught me through a ten year old child.
God used Luvin to teach me about grace. Luby came here near the end of May. He had been beaten his entire life, so when eh got here all he knew was to hit the other children, and he did not hit softly. He had to be taken back to the state-run orphanage because the other fifteen kids were terrified of him. Two or three weeks later, he found his way back her to Casa de Esperanza with a repentant heart and fruit for all of the children. The children, instead of rejecting Luby, invited him to come back and be a part of their family. He did not deserve their love, nor did he deserve their warm embrace and welcome back, but the kids gave it to him anyway. This taught me a lot about God because I so often do things that are against what he commands or against his will, but he always shows grace to me, forgives me, invites me into his family, and welcomes me with open arms.
God has used Cindy time and time again to teach me about the importance of patience, and time and time again, I have learned that I need more of it. Cindy has been raped and sexually abused a lot in her life. She is only four. Every time she feels slightly out of control, she throws the worst fits of anyone I have ever seen. She hits kicks, bites, screams and scratches. Bedtime and naptime are even worse than during the rest of the day. We are not allowed to spank here and the government could close us down, so we are always looking for new ways to punish her and we have yet to find a punishment that works for her. I have learned to be patient even through the hitting. I have also learned to love her though and some things I can say to her to calm her down. The place she lived at before she came here said she was the spawn of Satan. I do not believe that she is the spawn of Satan, but she indeed has tried my patience and God has used her to help me daily gain more patience.
God used Fito, Luby, Brayan, and Rudy to teach me that when things go wrong, it is not always my fault. These four decided to run away on two different occasions. Both times, I felt so much guilt and thought it was my fault. Through prayer and the gentle reminder of my husband, I learned that I was crazy to but that much blame on myself. I learned through each of these situations that I must accept the blame when it is truly my fault but not put an extra burden on myself when I could not have helped the situation.
Finally, God has used each of these children to teach me that each person gives and receives love in a different way. Some of the kids love to be hugged and held. Others feel especially loved when someone plays outside with them. Some feel loved when they are told that they are special. This summer, I have worked at learning how to show each of these kids that they are special and that they are loved. This has also showed me the glory of God because he is able to know how each person in the world needs to be loved, and he shows us all that special love.
This summer has been a blessing. I feel that God has used these sixteen precious angel eyes to teach me far more than I could have ever taught them. They have each been through some traumatic situation far more than I can even imagine, yet God has used each of them to instill in to me some very important lesson.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Its official, I am the worst blogger in all of history. I have been here two weeks and have only put in one blog and a couple of pictures. There are so many pictures to share, as well as so many stories. Matt and I are doing well here, however, at times we can get a little overwhelmed. Currently we are working with 15 children ranging in ages 2 to 10. All of them have either been raped, beaten, malnourished, or neglected. Somehow, through the last two weeks, each of them has created a special place in my heart. I would like to tell you a little about each of these kids so that you can spend some time in prayer for each of them. They each have a story that will break your heart.
Pamela - a beautiful 10 year old child who came here about a month ago. Her mother sent her out on the streets as a prostitute. Until recently she has never experienced pure, sincere, non sexual love. Pamela taught me about forgiveness. I get so frustrated at mothers like hers who do such horrible things such as prostituting their children, but the other night as I was putting the girls in bed, Pamela prayed that God would care for her mother. Yesterday was Pamela's birthday. On Monday, we had a big birthday bash for her and three others that have birthdays this month. On Sunday night I told Pamela what was going to happen. She got so excited, for she had never had anyone giver her a birthday party. Pamela is always ready to help us out by cleaning around the house. She is a big help with her younger sister Daniela.
Fitto- an 8 year old boy that smiles a lot. He is Pamela's little brother. I think he has had some sort of sexual abuse, but I am not sure. He can throw big fits when he is in a little bit of trouble. He will get mad and not talk to anyone for the rest of the day. He is a sweet kid that loves to give big hugs. Sometimes he can be honary, which caused him to hurt his head the other night when he did not want to go to bed. He was ok, he did not need medical attention, just some liquid bandaid and tylenol.
Daneila - a 4 or 5 year old girl who is a bundle of energy. She is Fitto and Pamela's little sister. She really looks up to her big sister. She wants to be by Pamela's side day and night. She was raped by an older brother (we think that is who raped her) and occasionally suffers from severe flashbacks. She is a beautiful child, but sometimes does not trust new people.
Brayan - an 8 year old boy who lived some on the streets and some with his mom, depending what he was in the mood fore. i think he sniffed some glue, but not as much as his older brother rudy did. Brayan loves to ride his bike and play games with the other boys. He smiles a lot and likes to give big hugs. Right now he is learning from Matt how to respect women.
Rudy- a 10 year old boy that is probably 5 inches shorter than his younger brother. Rudy desperately desires some positive attention. He hits the younger kids every time the bother him. I think he is getting in the habbit of hitting less, though. I saw him smile for a long period of time for the first time since I have been here yesterday when Matt was playing soccer with only him for about an hour. Matt is really making a big influence on Rudy, and this is so encouraging to see. We think that Rudy has been sexually abused too. He pees in his bed every single night. That is a huge sign of sexual abuse.
Cindy - she is 6 and a fire little pistol. The clearing house that had her before she got to come to a home of love thought that she was satan. True she is hard to handle sometimes. I have bite marks on my arm to prove that, but she surely is not satan. She has been through so much sexual abuse in her life, that I don't know if she knows how to show pure love sometimes. Usually about 30 minutes after she gets mad at me, she can be one of the sweetest children around. She is a genius, but I think sometimes that works against her and not for her.
Maryuri - (pronounced Marjury) will be 3 next week. When she came to live here she could not walk at all and could not say much of anything. She was very underdevloped for a child that is 2 1/2. She can now walk and talk quite a bit, although it is often hard to understand. She likes to tickle and play games. She is Cindy's little sister. She has a big pooch of a belly and is so stinking cute.
Monica - is a 6 year old girl. She does not understand most things that even most six year olds understand. She is the oldest of three. All of which have been severely malnourished in their lifetime. Their mother did not ever name them, nor does anyone know their real birthdays. They were named when they got to the clearing center and we chose days to celebrate their birthdays.
Fernando - is a 4 year old boy. He smiles all the time and his favorite thing in the world is to be hugged tightly. He laughs a lot and is always trying to fix the broken chain on one of the bikes. He is Monica's little brother and Katty's older brother.
Katty- she turned 3 in April. Most of the time she has the biggest grin on her face. She is a little princess. She thinks she has to wear little skirts or sundresses every day. I usually put her in one of them because I love when they little girls are dressed like little girls.
Yovani - is 9, and for the longest time was the oldest one here. He clashes with Rudy for many reasons. He is kind of the leaderl around the house and usually encourages the younger kids to listen to the adults. He has been here a year now, and has changed drastically since I first met him last year.
Marvin- is a boy that just celebrated his 8th birthday. He loves spiderman, and learning English. Normally he refuses to speak in English, but he understands almost everything that you say to him in English. He is funny and likes to make jokes. He is Yovani, Mario, Francisco, and Antonio's brother.
Mario - will turn 6 this summer. He is probably the most imaginative child here. He is always coming up with crazy things to say. He jokes around a lot, and is always trying to make everyone around him laugh. He loves to play with his cars.
Francisco - is 3 and cute as can be. He understands English as well as his brothers do. He usually has a hug for me whenever I see them, but sometimes he tells me that the hug is hidden or he lost it, so we go looking for the hug. He loves to play with the puppys that are here and says that the smaller one is his and no one elses.
Antonio - just had his 2nd birthday last week. We are all thankful that he doesn't cry as much as he did a year ago. He is a little stinker, so much of one that he even answers to the name stinky.l
Please pray for each of these children. They have all been through more trauma in their short lifetimes than most of us will ever experience. Thank the LORD when you pray that they each have a place with food, shelter, and most importantly love. Also, pray for me and Matt.
Again, I will try to add pictures when I can. My computer is broken, so I am at the mercy of other's computers. When I have time to get on, someone is usually using all of the computers here.
Pamela - a beautiful 10 year old child who came here about a month ago. Her mother sent her out on the streets as a prostitute. Until recently she has never experienced pure, sincere, non sexual love. Pamela taught me about forgiveness. I get so frustrated at mothers like hers who do such horrible things such as prostituting their children, but the other night as I was putting the girls in bed, Pamela prayed that God would care for her mother. Yesterday was Pamela's birthday. On Monday, we had a big birthday bash for her and three others that have birthdays this month. On Sunday night I told Pamela what was going to happen. She got so excited, for she had never had anyone giver her a birthday party. Pamela is always ready to help us out by cleaning around the house. She is a big help with her younger sister Daniela.
Fitto- an 8 year old boy that smiles a lot. He is Pamela's little brother. I think he has had some sort of sexual abuse, but I am not sure. He can throw big fits when he is in a little bit of trouble. He will get mad and not talk to anyone for the rest of the day. He is a sweet kid that loves to give big hugs. Sometimes he can be honary, which caused him to hurt his head the other night when he did not want to go to bed. He was ok, he did not need medical attention, just some liquid bandaid and tylenol.
Daneila - a 4 or 5 year old girl who is a bundle of energy. She is Fitto and Pamela's little sister. She really looks up to her big sister. She wants to be by Pamela's side day and night. She was raped by an older brother (we think that is who raped her) and occasionally suffers from severe flashbacks. She is a beautiful child, but sometimes does not trust new people.
Brayan - an 8 year old boy who lived some on the streets and some with his mom, depending what he was in the mood fore. i think he sniffed some glue, but not as much as his older brother rudy did. Brayan loves to ride his bike and play games with the other boys. He smiles a lot and likes to give big hugs. Right now he is learning from Matt how to respect women.
Rudy- a 10 year old boy that is probably 5 inches shorter than his younger brother. Rudy desperately desires some positive attention. He hits the younger kids every time the bother him. I think he is getting in the habbit of hitting less, though. I saw him smile for a long period of time for the first time since I have been here yesterday when Matt was playing soccer with only him for about an hour. Matt is really making a big influence on Rudy, and this is so encouraging to see. We think that Rudy has been sexually abused too. He pees in his bed every single night. That is a huge sign of sexual abuse.
Cindy - she is 6 and a fire little pistol. The clearing house that had her before she got to come to a home of love thought that she was satan. True she is hard to handle sometimes. I have bite marks on my arm to prove that, but she surely is not satan. She has been through so much sexual abuse in her life, that I don't know if she knows how to show pure love sometimes. Usually about 30 minutes after she gets mad at me, she can be one of the sweetest children around. She is a genius, but I think sometimes that works against her and not for her.
Maryuri - (pronounced Marjury) will be 3 next week. When she came to live here she could not walk at all and could not say much of anything. She was very underdevloped for a child that is 2 1/2. She can now walk and talk quite a bit, although it is often hard to understand. She likes to tickle and play games. She is Cindy's little sister. She has a big pooch of a belly and is so stinking cute.
Monica - is a 6 year old girl. She does not understand most things that even most six year olds understand. She is the oldest of three. All of which have been severely malnourished in their lifetime. Their mother did not ever name them, nor does anyone know their real birthdays. They were named when they got to the clearing center and we chose days to celebrate their birthdays.
Fernando - is a 4 year old boy. He smiles all the time and his favorite thing in the world is to be hugged tightly. He laughs a lot and is always trying to fix the broken chain on one of the bikes. He is Monica's little brother and Katty's older brother.
Katty- she turned 3 in April. Most of the time she has the biggest grin on her face. She is a little princess. She thinks she has to wear little skirts or sundresses every day. I usually put her in one of them because I love when they little girls are dressed like little girls.
Yovani - is 9, and for the longest time was the oldest one here. He clashes with Rudy for many reasons. He is kind of the leaderl around the house and usually encourages the younger kids to listen to the adults. He has been here a year now, and has changed drastically since I first met him last year.
Marvin- is a boy that just celebrated his 8th birthday. He loves spiderman, and learning English. Normally he refuses to speak in English, but he understands almost everything that you say to him in English. He is funny and likes to make jokes. He is Yovani, Mario, Francisco, and Antonio's brother.
Mario - will turn 6 this summer. He is probably the most imaginative child here. He is always coming up with crazy things to say. He jokes around a lot, and is always trying to make everyone around him laugh. He loves to play with his cars.
Francisco - is 3 and cute as can be. He understands English as well as his brothers do. He usually has a hug for me whenever I see them, but sometimes he tells me that the hug is hidden or he lost it, so we go looking for the hug. He loves to play with the puppys that are here and says that the smaller one is his and no one elses.
Antonio - just had his 2nd birthday last week. We are all thankful that he doesn't cry as much as he did a year ago. He is a little stinker, so much of one that he even answers to the name stinky.l
Please pray for each of these children. They have all been through more trauma in their short lifetimes than most of us will ever experience. Thank the LORD when you pray that they each have a place with food, shelter, and most importantly love. Also, pray for me and Matt.
Again, I will try to add pictures when I can. My computer is broken, so I am at the mercy of other's computers. When I have time to get on, someone is usually using all of the computers here.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
Adventures in Honeymooning
Well after a beautiful weeding last Saturday, Matt and I headed for Roatan, one of the bay islands off of the shore of Honduras in the Carribbean Sea. As I am sure you can imagine, it was beautiful. God's finger prints were everywhere we looked. The island is so lush and green, and you can view the beach from most angle on the island.
We were able to get a great deal on our room which allowed us to do many other fun things that we may not have been able to afford. On Monday, Matt and I woke up to have a delicious breakfast at the inn and then we headed out to an area called West End. This is the most touristy part of Roatan, and it has a lot of little shops and restaurant. We walked around until we were burnt out from the sun (I promise this was longer than 5 minutes) then we found a nice spot on the beach and relaxed and played in the water for a while. We then headed back the way we came on a mission to find smoothies from the oh so wonderful Ruddy's. These were just a small apetizer for our lunch at a place called Canibals where they love to have you for dinner. We then decided that it would be a lot of fun to go kayaking. We found a place along the shore that rented kayaks and he gave us a great price. We hopped in the kayak, forgetting to remove my dad's phone from the pocket (that was a bad idea). As we kayaked through the sea i thought it would be a great idea to jump out to take a picture of Matt in the kayak, this is when the mistake happened. As I was getting back into the kayak, I accidentally pulled Matt in with me. OOPS!! Sorry Dad.
Tuesday Matt and I decided to rent a Jeep and discover the Island. We drove pretty much the whole paved road and many dirt ones. The ride was fun and the views were just a little taste of heaven. We found a place to eat that had just opened a couple months ago and had excellent food. We then hopped back into the Jeep and about 2 miles later discovered that we had a flat. No worries, I have had practice lately changing flats, since I had a flat on the way to Baton Rouge a few weeks ago. Later that evening we went to eat and when we got in the Jeep to go to the Inn, the Jeep wouldn't start. Apparently, there was little to zero engine coolant. Thank you Mr. Rental company. We turned the air off and that was good to get us back to the inn.
On Wednesday we returned the Jeep and found someone advertising for a canopy tour. This was a series of Jungle zip lines that ended on the beach. It was very beautiful and a lot of fun. I was a little scared of seeing monkeys because the guide told us that there were monkeys in the park; Matt, however was scared of hights. After the second zip line however, he overcame that fear and let loose and had a great time. I even went down one zip line upside down. I was terrified. During the afternoon we went poor man's diving, more commonly known as snorkeling. We saw fish in every color of the rainbow. The divers down below us saw a shark. For the first time I was not envious of those who have their dive liscence. That night we visited a brand new restaurant in West End. We sat right in a cove and had a gorgeous view. It was so relaxing, not to mention that the food was incredible.
We finally made it to the children's home last night after a very long travel day that consisted of delayed flights and bus drivers forgetting to pick us up mixed in with a couple crazy taxi rides. All in all it was a great day.
Pictures to come
We were able to get a great deal on our room which allowed us to do many other fun things that we may not have been able to afford. On Monday, Matt and I woke up to have a delicious breakfast at the inn and then we headed out to an area called West End. This is the most touristy part of Roatan, and it has a lot of little shops and restaurant. We walked around until we were burnt out from the sun (I promise this was longer than 5 minutes) then we found a nice spot on the beach and relaxed and played in the water for a while. We then headed back the way we came on a mission to find smoothies from the oh so wonderful Ruddy's. These were just a small apetizer for our lunch at a place called Canibals where they love to have you for dinner. We then decided that it would be a lot of fun to go kayaking. We found a place along the shore that rented kayaks and he gave us a great price. We hopped in the kayak, forgetting to remove my dad's phone from the pocket (that was a bad idea). As we kayaked through the sea i thought it would be a great idea to jump out to take a picture of Matt in the kayak, this is when the mistake happened. As I was getting back into the kayak, I accidentally pulled Matt in with me. OOPS!! Sorry Dad.
Tuesday Matt and I decided to rent a Jeep and discover the Island. We drove pretty much the whole paved road and many dirt ones. The ride was fun and the views were just a little taste of heaven. We found a place to eat that had just opened a couple months ago and had excellent food. We then hopped back into the Jeep and about 2 miles later discovered that we had a flat. No worries, I have had practice lately changing flats, since I had a flat on the way to Baton Rouge a few weeks ago. Later that evening we went to eat and when we got in the Jeep to go to the Inn, the Jeep wouldn't start. Apparently, there was little to zero engine coolant. Thank you Mr. Rental company. We turned the air off and that was good to get us back to the inn.
On Wednesday we returned the Jeep and found someone advertising for a canopy tour. This was a series of Jungle zip lines that ended on the beach. It was very beautiful and a lot of fun. I was a little scared of seeing monkeys because the guide told us that there were monkeys in the park; Matt, however was scared of hights. After the second zip line however, he overcame that fear and let loose and had a great time. I even went down one zip line upside down. I was terrified. During the afternoon we went poor man's diving, more commonly known as snorkeling. We saw fish in every color of the rainbow. The divers down below us saw a shark. For the first time I was not envious of those who have their dive liscence. That night we visited a brand new restaurant in West End. We sat right in a cove and had a gorgeous view. It was so relaxing, not to mention that the food was incredible.
We finally made it to the children's home last night after a very long travel day that consisted of delayed flights and bus drivers forgetting to pick us up mixed in with a couple crazy taxi rides. All in all it was a great day.
Pictures to come
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